Today's Failbook fail: Red Eye.
A dude says his eye has been red for quite some time. His "friends" tell him he must have AIDS. Some jackass says the dude is not allowed in his dorm room anymore, because of the AIDS.
This is already weak as far as humor goes. What really kills it is that, you know, people with HIV/AIDS really are discriminated against constantly. It's not like they pretended the guy had skin cancer or congestive heart failure. No, they picked a disease that is a) associated with such oppressed minorities as gay men and Black folks, and b) the cause of rampant discrimination. And then they made a joke about discriminating against him. Ha . . . ha?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, Sunday
Sundays are slow days for Failbook, and thus carry less opportunity for Failbook fails. I have to say I totally agree with the last post of the night -- people who write "must of" or "should of" make me want to die -- and the rest aren't worth mentioning. Another fail-free Sunday has come and gone. See you tomorrow for what is sure to be a trainwreck fail.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Yawn
Today's Failbook fail: Justine Bieber.
Someone chastises Google for (accidentally?) including Justin Bieber on a list of most Googled women. Some jackass comments that they want to high-five Google for this list inclusion.
Slim pickings today. This is just an everyday, vanilla gender policing. Nothing special. Not to minimize it, but I have nothing clever to say about it. It's too run-of-the-mill for Failbook.
Someone chastises Google for (accidentally?) including Justin Bieber on a list of most Googled women. Some jackass comments that they want to high-five Google for this list inclusion.
Slim pickings today. This is just an everyday, vanilla gender policing. Nothing special. Not to minimize it, but I have nothing clever to say about it. It's too run-of-the-mill for Failbook.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I'm Changing My Password to "leavemealone"
Today's Failbook fail: Happy Birthday!
A man hacks into his wife's Facebook and shames her because some man has been talking to her about having sex with her. (There is no indication the wife has actually done anything.) Some jackass congratulates the man on having his wife's FB password. Scrolling down, we realize that it is the woman's birthday.
This is just sad. It's also a terrible violation of trust, which is why I've filed this under intimate partner abuse. No, it's not a black eye, but violating your partner's privacy is a form of abuse. It tells the violated partner that they cannot expect to keep their thoughts or actions private . . . especially if those thoughts/actions are distasteful to the violator.
I'm almost more disgusted by the bystander who just had to goad the husband. You can't argue that he acted in the heat of the moment. He just wants to advocate for hacking into your wife's FB account. Ugh.
In case anyone thinks I am a humorless fussbudget who dusts teapots for fun, I had to share a Failbook win, for a change: Gandalf or Dumbledore? This post is everything the fails aren't: really funny without being incredibly offensive.
I was leery about this post when I saw the topic (in short, deciding which wizard is better). I thought for sure that someone would use a gay slur against Dumbledore, given that he's a gay character. But no, all fifteen comments are totally slur-free, and in fact a lot are super-geeky, opinionated rants about which character is superior. (For my money, it's Dumbledore, who actually lived in the world, as opposed to Gandalf, who was never really a part of Middle Earth, just sort of floating above it all, eventually abandoning it. That makes him a far less interesting character to me.) You can have a spirited, hilarious, hate-free discussion. This is proof. If there were more items like this, I'd have to give up this blog.
A man hacks into his wife's Facebook and shames her because some man has been talking to her about having sex with her. (There is no indication the wife has actually done anything.) Some jackass congratulates the man on having his wife's FB password. Scrolling down, we realize that it is the woman's birthday.
This is just sad. It's also a terrible violation of trust, which is why I've filed this under intimate partner abuse. No, it's not a black eye, but violating your partner's privacy is a form of abuse. It tells the violated partner that they cannot expect to keep their thoughts or actions private . . . especially if those thoughts/actions are distasteful to the violator.
I'm almost more disgusted by the bystander who just had to goad the husband. You can't argue that he acted in the heat of the moment. He just wants to advocate for hacking into your wife's FB account. Ugh.
In case anyone thinks I am a humorless fussbudget who dusts teapots for fun, I had to share a Failbook win, for a change: Gandalf or Dumbledore? This post is everything the fails aren't: really funny without being incredibly offensive.
I was leery about this post when I saw the topic (in short, deciding which wizard is better). I thought for sure that someone would use a gay slur against Dumbledore, given that he's a gay character. But no, all fifteen comments are totally slur-free, and in fact a lot are super-geeky, opinionated rants about which character is superior. (For my money, it's Dumbledore, who actually lived in the world, as opposed to Gandalf, who was never really a part of Middle Earth, just sort of floating above it all, eventually abandoning it. That makes him a far less interesting character to me.) You can have a spirited, hilarious, hate-free discussion. This is proof. If there were more items like this, I'd have to give up this blog.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
You Make J.K. Rowling Cry
Today's Failbook fail: Welcome to the Wizarding World of Fat Puns!
Sorry about yesterday's failure to post, everyone. I live in the catchment area of the worst power company in the nation, so any time the D.C. area gets "weather" (of any kind), I'm without Internet. Last night I went to bed super-early and read a John Irving novel by the light of a hand-cranked flashlight. I felt like a damn pioneer girl.
Anyway, onto today's Failbook fail. This is one of those fails that does not inspire my outrage, only my contempt. It's just a bunch of jackasses making Harry Potter-related "yo momma" jokes, with the predictable fat hatred and lookism (e.g. "Your momma's so fat she has the Goblet of Gravy").
Honestly, as an avowed Harry Potter lover, these just make me sad. Why take a series that is essentially life-affirming and moral and use it for this crappy schtick? Can't you base your stupid fat jokes on Twilight, or Atlas Shrugged? Or, better yet, don't hate people on the basis of their weight, but that's asking for the moon, I know.
Sorry about yesterday's failure to post, everyone. I live in the catchment area of the worst power company in the nation, so any time the D.C. area gets "weather" (of any kind), I'm without Internet. Last night I went to bed super-early and read a John Irving novel by the light of a hand-cranked flashlight. I felt like a damn pioneer girl.
Anyway, onto today's Failbook fail. This is one of those fails that does not inspire my outrage, only my contempt. It's just a bunch of jackasses making Harry Potter-related "yo momma" jokes, with the predictable fat hatred and lookism (e.g. "Your momma's so fat she has the Goblet of Gravy").
Honestly, as an avowed Harry Potter lover, these just make me sad. Why take a series that is essentially life-affirming and moral and use it for this crappy schtick? Can't you base your stupid fat jokes on Twilight, or Atlas Shrugged? Or, better yet, don't hate people on the basis of their weight, but that's asking for the moon, I know.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Not a High Bar to Clear
You know, I was all geared up for a good rant this evening. Why? Because I'm on the rag, and the deep and persistent pain in my uterus makes me want to tear into things -- and it's better for me to tear into sexism and racism than it is for me to tear into, say, the wall. For the sake of both the wall and my hands.
However, having read all of Failbook's posts for today, nothing lights my fire. You've got your usual oddballs and ignorant turds, and I wouldn't say that each post today was a model for how people of different backgrounds can get along in this crazy world, but no one is admitting to sexual assault, so that makes it a good day for humanity at Facebook. I can't believe I just typed that sentence. I feel so sad.
However, having read all of Failbook's posts for today, nothing lights my fire. You've got your usual oddballs and ignorant turds, and I wouldn't say that each post today was a model for how people of different backgrounds can get along in this crazy world, but no one is admitting to sexual assault, so that makes it a good day for humanity at Facebook. I can't believe I just typed that sentence. I feel so sad.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Believe It Or Not, the Horror Escalates
Today's Failbook fail: Her Police Report Will Be the Last Laugh Though.
Some jackass writes a status message about how much he loves girls' breasts. Other dudebros say, "Totally, brodude." A woman says she'd be surprised if any women let the OP near their breasts.
The OP's response? Ahem: "groped my stepsister in her sleep this morning, so it looks like the joke's on you. and her too, i guess."
Yes. That's the "joke."
To quote the fabulous flick Zoolander, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Is this really what you've stooped to, Failbook? I mean, you didn't have to stoop very far -- ahem, raping the homeless, but still -- a guy molests his stepsister IN HER SLEEP, and you feel that's a good thing to spread to the masses of jackasses who read your "humorous" posts.
Do you seriously, seriously not understand that by posting these things, you're legitimizing and normalizing them? One of my favorite comics did a strip about this concept: you think something is unspeakable -- like sexual assault, or incest -- but little by little you can inch towards thinking it's acceptable. Posts like this one on Failbook do exactly that. Congratulations, douchehounds.
Some jackass writes a status message about how much he loves girls' breasts. Other dudebros say, "Totally, brodude." A woman says she'd be surprised if any women let the OP near their breasts.
The OP's response? Ahem: "groped my stepsister in her sleep this morning, so it looks like the joke's on you. and her too, i guess."
Yes. That's the "joke."
To quote the fabulous flick Zoolander, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Is this really what you've stooped to, Failbook? I mean, you didn't have to stoop very far -- ahem, raping the homeless, but still -- a guy molests his stepsister IN HER SLEEP, and you feel that's a good thing to spread to the masses of jackasses who read your "humorous" posts.
Do you seriously, seriously not understand that by posting these things, you're legitimizing and normalizing them? One of my favorite comics did a strip about this concept: you think something is unspeakable -- like sexual assault, or incest -- but little by little you can inch towards thinking it's acceptable. Posts like this one on Failbook do exactly that. Congratulations, douchehounds.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
What Would Yeshua Do? Not Post This.
Today's Failbook fail: Think of All the Siestas He Would've Taken Too.
Someone says they'd have preferred Jesus turn water into margaritas. (I'll take a Black River Boogie as long as you're taking requests, Jesus!) Some jackass comments, "then it'd be hay-soos, not gee-sus."
Besides being racist, this is also just incredibly stupid. First of all, I'm going to say in world production and consumption of margaritas, American college students probably are way out ahead. Some American college students are also Latino, mind you, but making and/or drinking a margarita is hardly a referendum on someone's race.
But even more stupid, to me, is the idea that Jesus actually pronounced his name "Gee-sus." I mean, that's what this jackass is implying, right? That Jesus was a nice white boy who pronounced his name the way modern-day white Americans do? Let me be the bearer of surprising news, then: Jesus was Semitic, probably looked more like modern-day Arabs more than anything, and pronounced his own name "Ye-shu-a." Because that was his name. Yeshua Ben Yosef. This whole "Jesus" thing is how the Greeks and Romans butchered that Jewish boy's moniker.
Oh, and Failbook has to make matters worse, as per usual. Yeah, those lazy Latinos, taking siestas! What the fuck, Failbook, is your staff comprised of former Warner Bros. employees who were cryogenically frozen in the 1950s?
I almost wish there had been a better fail today, because this one is just so stupid. On the other hand, I have to be thankful we don't have another show of pure evil like yesterday.
Someone says they'd have preferred Jesus turn water into margaritas. (I'll take a Black River Boogie as long as you're taking requests, Jesus!) Some jackass comments, "then it'd be hay-soos, not gee-sus."
Besides being racist, this is also just incredibly stupid. First of all, I'm going to say in world production and consumption of margaritas, American college students probably are way out ahead. Some American college students are also Latino, mind you, but making and/or drinking a margarita is hardly a referendum on someone's race.
But even more stupid, to me, is the idea that Jesus actually pronounced his name "Gee-sus." I mean, that's what this jackass is implying, right? That Jesus was a nice white boy who pronounced his name the way modern-day white Americans do? Let me be the bearer of surprising news, then: Jesus was Semitic, probably looked more like modern-day Arabs more than anything, and pronounced his own name "Ye-shu-a." Because that was his name. Yeshua Ben Yosef. This whole "Jesus" thing is how the Greeks and Romans butchered that Jewish boy's moniker.
Oh, and Failbook has to make matters worse, as per usual. Yeah, those lazy Latinos, taking siestas! What the fuck, Failbook, is your staff comprised of former Warner Bros. employees who were cryogenically frozen in the 1950s?
I almost wish there had been a better fail today, because this one is just so stupid. On the other hand, I have to be thankful we don't have another show of pure evil like yesterday.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
No God Would Allow This Post To Happen
Today's Failbook fail: I'd Like to Think It's "Jumanji."
Someone wonders in their status what name atheists call out in bed. (As an atheist with a sex life, let me answer this burning question once and for all. Many of us do still say "god" in that situation, as well as others: "God, it's freezing in here"; "Just shut the door, for god's sake!"; "Oh my god"; etc. It doesn't mean we secretly believe in a deity. It means we use that syllable as an exclamation because it's so common in the English-speaking world.)
Anyway, back to the fail. A jackass replies, "Mine." (Ha. Um. Ha ha. Yes, we all call your name, rando.) Then the original posters says, "I said Atheists. Not High Park Homeless."
Eesh, wow, that some serious classism right there, in that the OP is clearly trying to insult the commenter by insinuating s/he has sex with homeless people.
But the response from the commenter is breathtaking it its horror: "What's the difference? By the time I'm finished with them they don't believe in a loving god any more [sic] anyway."
WHAAAAAAAAT. First of all, first of all, this comment is the end of the post! Meaning that THIS is the "joke" that Failbook thinks is so damn funny that it deserves to be posted! THE FACT THAT THE COMMENTER IS JOKING ABOUT RAPING HOMELESS PEOPLE. THAT IS THE "JOKE." THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH DISDAINFUL QUOTATION MARKS IN THE WORLD TO PUT AROUND THE WORD "JOKE."
Secondly, let's revisit the fact that this person just straight-up said, "I rape homeless people!" If you truly believe that this is not what this "joke" is about, you are deluded beyond my ability to yell the truth into your ear. This is the commenter's idea of a one-up. The OP insulted him/her by saying, "You have sex with homeless people." The commenter one-ups the OP by saying, "You mean I rape homeless people."
For some reason, although if the actual messages made up the post, it would rightfully be seen as horrifying, veiled statements that convey the exact same message are . . . hilarious? Supposedly? To their (small) credit, the commenters on the Failbook post seem just as mystified as I am. When even the rape-loving commenters at Failbook think you've gone off the rails, you've gone off the fucking rails, Failbook.
Someone wonders in their status what name atheists call out in bed. (As an atheist with a sex life, let me answer this burning question once and for all. Many of us do still say "god" in that situation, as well as others: "God, it's freezing in here"; "Just shut the door, for god's sake!"; "Oh my god"; etc. It doesn't mean we secretly believe in a deity. It means we use that syllable as an exclamation because it's so common in the English-speaking world.)
Anyway, back to the fail. A jackass replies, "Mine." (Ha. Um. Ha ha. Yes, we all call your name, rando.) Then the original posters says, "I said Atheists. Not High Park Homeless."
Eesh, wow, that some serious classism right there, in that the OP is clearly trying to insult the commenter by insinuating s/he has sex with homeless people.
But the response from the commenter is breathtaking it its horror: "What's the difference? By the time I'm finished with them they don't believe in a loving god any more [sic] anyway."
WHAAAAAAAAT. First of all, first of all, this comment is the end of the post! Meaning that THIS is the "joke" that Failbook thinks is so damn funny that it deserves to be posted! THE FACT THAT THE COMMENTER IS JOKING ABOUT RAPING HOMELESS PEOPLE. THAT IS THE "JOKE." THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH DISDAINFUL QUOTATION MARKS IN THE WORLD TO PUT AROUND THE WORD "JOKE."
Secondly, let's revisit the fact that this person just straight-up said, "I rape homeless people!" If you truly believe that this is not what this "joke" is about, you are deluded beyond my ability to yell the truth into your ear. This is the commenter's idea of a one-up. The OP insulted him/her by saying, "You have sex with homeless people." The commenter one-ups the OP by saying, "You mean I rape homeless people."
For some reason, although if the actual messages made up the post, it would rightfully be seen as horrifying, veiled statements that convey the exact same message are . . . hilarious? Supposedly? To their (small) credit, the commenters on the Failbook post seem just as mystified as I am. When even the rape-loving commenters at Failbook think you've gone off the rails, you've gone off the fucking rails, Failbook.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Too Tired for a Good Title
Today's Failbook fail: His Man Card Was the Admission Price, Don't Worry.
I'm gonna be honest with you all -- I went out drinking with friends tonight, and I'm in no shape to write a long-ass entry. (I'm not drunk -- I can't get drunk anymore, thank you so much, crappy pancreas -- just bone tired.)
So, you know the drill. A man admits he likes something not coded 100% masculine. His gender is called into question. We've seen this before. It's stupid. The end.
I'm gonna be honest with you all -- I went out drinking with friends tonight, and I'm in no shape to write a long-ass entry. (I'm not drunk -- I can't get drunk anymore, thank you so much, crappy pancreas -- just bone tired.)
So, you know the drill. A man admits he likes something not coded 100% masculine. His gender is called into question. We've seen this before. It's stupid. The end.
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