Empathy Fail

Today's Failbook fail: New Knees.

A woman wishes she had received new knees for Christmas.

What is your first thought upon reading that? Mine is of all the female athletes I know who have fucked up their knees in one way or another. Most of them are either runners or softball players. I know their joint pain is a huge impediment to doing what they want in their lives.

Of course, the guy who comments does not have a shred of this thing we call "empathy." His comment alludes to her having destroyed her knees through, what else, excessive blow jobs.

(I have to say, though maybe I shouldn't say, that I've participated in my fair share of oral sex, and I will never understand the stereotype of it occurring while the man is standing and the woman is on her knees. Everything really goes smoother if both parties are horizontal. Also, oral sex is reciprocal, though I don't think this commenter knows that.)

So, in summary, a woman is in pain, and a man slut shames her. Thanks, Failbook!

Graphic Violence Fail

Today's Failbook fail: Classic Jokes: #31.

Woman: Complete the following sentence: "I like my coffee like I like my men (or women), ____"
Another woman: ground up and in the freezer

Ha . . . ha. Yeah. Don't worry; the 332 men who were murdered in 2005 by their intimate partners are laughing in the Spirit World. It's that deadpan delivery -- get it, DEADpan?!?

I Say Again: TITS!!

Today's Failbook fail: Dad's a Pro!

Wow, today's a doozy. Money quote: "If it has tits or tires you're going to have problems."

Then the dude's girlfriend says something neutral, and finally the dude's dad tells him to consult his "old man" "when servicing tits."

Wait, can we go back to the part where a) he identifies his girlfriend entirely by an impolite name for her most noticeable secondary sex characteristics and b) equates being in a relationship with his girlfriend to owning a motor vehicle? So I guess this means women are subhuman. Because of these tits!! All the matter that would've gone into creating our souls goes into plumping up our tits instead!! Aww yeah, I figured it out.

All Edges, In Fact. Just One Long Edge.

Today's Failbook fail: You Can't Beat a Night Like That.

Person #1: I've always said the more bruises you wake up with, the better the night, but this is just ridiculous
Person #2: Told you not to go drinking with Chris Brown.

For the seven people who never heard, Chris Brown pleaded guilty to physically assaulting his then-girlfriend, Rihanna. Both of them are famous musicians, which might be why this domestic violence case was actually taken seriously by the police.

On the scale of social acceptability, I like to believe that intimate partner violence jokes rate as slightly more acceptable than rape jokes, but less so than more run-of-the-mill sexism. Of course, Failbook trucks in all three, because they are edgy.

Sexismbook, née Failbook

Today's Failbook fail: On Her Knees.

A woman remarks that her region has gotten so much snow that, if she were to kneel down on her property, she would be effectively invisible. A man makes a reference to blow jobs.

I am beginning to think that any time a woman mentions her knees, kneeling, or maybe even the French word née, there are some men who think it's the perfect time to bust out a blow job joke. Subject matter goes by the wayside! She said "knee"! Quick, what does the Blow Job Joke Oracle have to say on this vital occasion??

And What Does This Imply About Penises?

Today's Failbook fail: Z-Z-Z-Z-ING!

A woman jokes about using a cucumber to masturbate. A man responds that the cucumber must have become a pickle.

That's right: not only can we wither crops when we're on the rag, we can pickle cucumbers with these babies. Vaginas: versatile and deadly!

Putting the "Christ, Seriously??" in Christmas

Today's Failbook fail: Getting Out of a Ticket.

Man: And that my friends is how you talk your way out of being towed and getting a parking ticket
Man #2: How did the cock taste

In case you were unaware, there are thousands, if not millions, of human beings who have been forced to perform oral sex by an authority figure in a uniform. Just look at the soldiers currently using rape as a weapon of war in the Congo.

You'll forgive me if I neglect to laugh at the flippant suggestion that one of the most horrible things that can happen to a person has happened to the commenter's "friend."

Merry fucking Christmas.

Twas the Lack of Fail Before Christmas

No fail today. There's a questionable post that seems to be some really shitty parenting, but you know, I don't know these people. My mom and I can cheerfully joke about her death (she's come close in the past, thanks to a congenital heart defect), and while someone else might see it and be horrified, we're fine with it.

Failbook gave us all Christmas early, I guess.

Well, You Look Like a Boob

Today's Failbook fail: I Actually Tried to Click This Picture.

Today, everyone, is a special day -- we've got sexism aimed at men and women both!! Bust out the party hats, because everyone's being oppressed!

Without my going through the barfy task of transcribing this tripe, let me explain. You know how spammers/hackers come up with some link that they think everyone will click, and then they get enough control over your FB account so that you spam your friends list with that link? All right, well, that's what's going on here. The spam link is about Miley Cyrus, calling her a "stupid bitch" and otherwise defaming her. Shaming famous women -- original, right?? Never mind that she's barely 18.

The comment conversation attached to this spam link is priceless. It's a man and a woman. The man says he clicked on it (thereby spreading the spam) because "it looked like a boob pic." A woman berates him, saying, "that's how hackers and spammers get you men... like titties on a hook, you're fish!"

Make no mistake, the guy in this exchange is a moron. But there are plenty of men who are not. Let's not tar all dudes with the same brush, okay?

Also, the mental image of "titties on a hook" is just too awful for words. It's like one of those serial murderers of women thought it up. Eugh.

Your Normally Scheduled Rant Will Resume Tomorrow

There are a lot of little fails today -- I sense a whiff of classism in this post, and only a few well-placed quotations marks in this one prevented me from choosing it as today's fail. There's nothing big enough to set me off on a healthy rant. Sorry, folks.